The sorry ass state of me

Ever get the feeling that your skills are worth nothing to anyone?  Yeah.  Me too.

Ever since work ditched our camera operators, I’ve been trying to get out of Madison, but then the economy crashed and the jobs dried up.  Now I’m facing the fact that my job is no longer a director but a code monkey who operates a computer that tells the equipment how to make the newscast run.  I can do it just fine, but it’s not directing.  It’s not making TV.  It’s not what I want to do.

In fact, I don’t want to even be in news at all.  But I’m in a catch-22.  I want to work in entertainment, but I don’t know anyone in it.  Or at a production house, or network, or new media company, etc.  I have no network because I have no clue why.  I know all sorts of people around the country, but no one seems to be able or willing to help me.  Not without suggesting “well just move here.”  Ok fine, but you’ll have a job waiting for me if I do?  Which is usually met with “no.”  Which I can’t do.  I’ve worked in news for 6 years.  I have no savings.  I live paycheck-to-paycheck.  I can’t get ahead even when I try.

And what about my backup plan?  Computers always was my backup, but I’m finding more-and-more that 1) I’m not happy working in IT and 2) Technology has evolved faster than I could keep up with it.  I’ve seen ads for jobs that say HTML, CSS and several other 3-to-4 letter acronyms that I’ve never heard of.  It’s thoroughly frustrating.

Everything is right now.

I just feel like for all I’ve invested, I’m getting no return.  That my skills aren’t and never will be again in demand.

So what do I do?  School?  With what money?

And there in lies my mega problem….   I borrowed too much to put me through college the first time, so now, I can’t afford to 1) pay that off and 2) even think about going back to college for something different…or film school…or whatever.


Oh…and here’s my resume & reel.

Download this file

Crap. I’m old. I remember a bunch of it.

So my friend “CG” Steve Gagner posted a link over onto his facebook linking to “80 Totally Awesome Things From The ’80s.”  Yeah…  Here’s what I remember of it:  (Numbers correspond to the item number at the link.)

I don’t remember 1, 4, 7, 19, 28, 29, 32, 33, 41, 62, 63, 65, 70, 73, 78, & 80.


I’m pretty sure I had a pair of 2 and a pair of 11


I miss 3 — they were AWESOME!!!, 5, 6 — I think I still have my copy somewhere, 8, 11, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 21, 25, 31, 36, 38, 48, 56, 58, 60, 77


9 is a great song, so is 27, 51, 68 and 77


Never had a 10, but played with enough of them.


12 was interesting, but I don’t have the coordination for them.


I sorta remember 13, 35, 40, 58, 61, 67, 71, 74.  


20 is just odd.


22 was an interesting movie.  Don’t feed them after midnight, or get them wet!!


Never understood the appeal of 23, 47.


Lookie….24, before she was on, then kicked off Idol.


I think I nearly killed myself on a 26…and playing 66.


30 was fun to put tapes in other than his official ones.


How was 34 ever in fashion?


37 still haunts me.  


I’m indifferent about 39, 43, 52, 55, 59.


42…yeah…wish we could have forgotten that in the 80’s.  


I’m pretty sure I slept on 45 sheets at Grandma’s.  


46 was stupid, they told us we couldn’t have any fun.  


49 is one of the most awesome games EVER.


50 was a funny movie.


53 was like SO AWESOME.  I wish I could have gotten on the show 🙁


54 was an arcade machine?  I had it on Atari.


I watched 64


69 was like one of the best movies ever!


Didn’t 72 become Sierra-Mist?


Yes, I like 75.  Don’t judge.


76 was cool, too.


79 looks familiar, but I can’t place it.


Sweet Dreams Are Made of These

So anyone who has every directed the news knows this nightmare…  You’re doing something, look at your watch, and bam, realize you have a minute to get to the control room, but you’re at some place where it’ll take more than 1 minute to get there.

In this case…  Was for some reason at a football field talking to the remote photog about if they were going to go ahead with the live shot.  We heard thunder so he said no.  I said I’d go tell the producer.  I grabbed my phone and realize “oh crap!  It’s 4:55 and I haven’t printed scripts yet.  And I’m all the way across town.”

So yeah…  Like I’ve said, if anyone has ever worked in TV News.  You know the kind of nightmares I’m talking about.

I need to use my soap box for a second.

Before reading, please watch this video that Ellen DeGeneres posted about bullying.

I heard about Tyler Clementi’s death on ABC World News. I wasn’t aware of the other kids who’d committed suicide at the hands of bullying.  In this instance, all of the 5 that we know about, were all bullied because they were gay or transgender.

It’s absolutely TERRIBLE what Tyler’s roommate & roommate’s friend did to him. No one should have had to put up with that shit and you’d hope that the school would have done something if it was reported. One major thing in Tyler’s case that really bugs the hell out of me, too, after seeing the ABC story, is the fact that, Tyler posted onto facebook that he was going to jump off the GW bridge, and NO ONE even attempted to stop him. (And you can’t tell me that with the way college students check facebook, someone didn’t see that status update with enough time to stop him.)

As to the other 4, Seth Walsh, Justin Aaberg, Billy Lucas and Asher Brown… It’s a terrible tragedy that they all felt that ending their own life was their only way out of their personal hells. It really is. No one should have to deal with bullying. And no one should be driven to the point of suicide. There NEEDS to be someone for these kids to talk to, someone to help them, and some way for the schools to stop this.  

WHY was there a perceived NOWHERE for these kids to turn to?  And also, why was there almost NO mention of these 5 other tragic losses of life on the national news?  (Links to the stories of these 4 follow at the end of this post.)

Look…  I speak from experience. I was the kid who was bullied in school. Why? Not really sure. I really never fit in.  It REALLY hurts.  So I have a good idea of what these kids were going through.  Other students are mean.  Especially if they can find anything, and I do mean ANYTHING, that could make you “different” from them.  

I hope that this serves as a wakeup call and that school districts around the country finally realize what a major problem bullying is.  They need to do something to prevent this from ever happening again.  Even one life lost is too many.


More on the web:

Justin Aaberg — WCCO: Teen’s Suicide Leads To Mom’s Fight For LGBT Youth

Billy Lucas — Fox 59: Bullied Greensburg student takes his own life

Asher Brown — Queerty: Gay Texas 13-Year-Old Asher Brown Shoots Himself In The Head After Horrific School Torment