Failure and Depression. Or what not to mix.

Have you ever had one of those days where it feels like everything you do, have done, and will do has or will lead to failure? That’s how my day has gone today. It started with something small, I forgot to do some promos earlier in the morning. It happens, it’s happened before, it’ll happen again. But then to add insult to injury I messed up a code on the noon news that cause us to not have open mics on-the-air. Yay. Two things with-in an hour of each other. It was more than I could realistically handle today.

I spent the remaining part of the show, the car ride home, and the phone call with mom thinking how much of a failure I am. It’s all part of the depression and anxiety issues that I have probably. But it doesn’t stop. It’s hard to imagine for people, and well somewhat awkward to explain. I have 2 Emmy’s with my name on them. I am directing in s major market. I have friends. I (sort of) have a social life. But yet, a few small things can lead me into a massive tail-spin of depression which has me questioning myself over EVERYTHING. Literally everything. Which is exactly why I sit here trying to explain what is going on in my brain.

And this is just part of it. There’s a lot of things going on with the girlfriend and lack of communication. There’s budget issues. Car issues. General mental health and life issues. Lots of things to pile onto the already down and depressed mood. And well, it sucks. A lot.

I’m not sure how to change it. Or make it better. I have ideas but nothing has lead to anything. Which again makes me feel like a failure. So yeah. It’s a bad cycle and I need to brea it. Soon. Open to suggestions if you have one.

from Tumblr